Quotable Sunday.

Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.
Tao Te Ching

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Q&A: Why don't you have any pets?

Before I go any further, I should probably tell you that we are Cat People. No offense to those of you who are Dog People, that's just the way it is.

And as you can see, we used to have a cat. Actually, he was my cat before I got married. Before I had children.

And then I married a lovely, cat-loving man.

And I had a lovely, cat-loving baby.

And then my sweet baby was sick, and we couldn't figure out the cause. We tried sending our beloved kitty to my parents' home to see if he was what was making her sick, but she didn't get any better. We eventually found out that she was celiac...but as it turns out, not having a cat around cured my cat-loving husband's asthma.

I still look at every kitten with great longing. :)

Four Friday flickr faves

1. THE HARVEST SERIES, 2. november in Ylöjärvi, 3. Past, 4. Untitled

Some photos to carry you into the weekend...

Just today I really felt it, that we are heading into winter, and the golden days of autumn are fading. Now we see the darker part of autumn, the rain and wind and cold and damp (here in the Pacific Northwest, anyway). It's days like this I understand so well the need for winter celebrations. Rejoicing in the light to come. The birth of the sun in the depth of darkness.

And yet there is a wild beauty in this time of year, as well. The wind blows absolute frolic into the girls. It makes them stampede like little Chincoteague ponies. Everything outside is being stripped bare, and we spend hours watching flocks of the tiniest of birds outside our window. So much beauty, even now, and I feel just right taking this time of year to pause and give thanks. For what has come before, during this year. For what is to come, still. For the dark and the light both.

We interrupt the regularly scheduled programming...

See you tomorrow, friends.

Anticipation, and the dance.

(For the beginning of my series on rhythm, please look here, then here)

(helping me with the laundry)

"What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? It's the gift of anticipation. And I'm a good servant. I'm better than good. I'm the best. I'm the perfect servant. I know when they'll be hungry and the food is ready. I know when they'll be tired and the bed is turned down. I know it before they know it themselves."

Helen Mirren in Gosford Park

(dishes to be put away)

I admit it, I've been kind of dreading this post. I've been trying to wrap my mind around how to explain rhythm, our rhythm, to you, in a way that would make sense. In a way that would be helpful. Then last night I was watching Gosford Park and Helen Mirren said that line and it clicked.

Creating meaningful rhythm for your children is about anticipation. Anticipation of their needs, both momentary and overarching. That anticipation is what keeps a rhythm from becoming routine, and what keeps it working for all of you. Rhythm is a very delicate dance that requires constantly tuning in to the needs of your family. 

(someone else doing laundry)

The thing is, those needs are always changing. Just as your children are always changing, growing, learning, your family is constantly in an act of re-creation. Your family is alive with its own rhythm, breathing in and out, becoming something else. Anticipation is the dance of being one step ahead at the same time as you look two steps behind. It's both taking everything into account, and moving forward from where you are.

But wait, you're thinking. How is that rhythmical? How does that work? Isn't that just more chaos? Well, no. The important deciding factor for me is, am I doing what's really important at the times at which they are really important? Am I creating an overall sense of warmth? Of reverence? Is there enough repetition? Enough opportunities for imitation? Is what I'm doing nourishing my family?

(silks waiting for someone to play)

Now here is the part I've been dreading, a little. Would you like to see our rhythm? Here is what our day looks like- and I'm going to go much further into the "essentials" in later posts, so don't worry that I've glossed over them here:

• Wake. Daddy gets up with the big girls, and they play while I stay in bed with baby Bee until she wakes up (she usually sleeps in a half hour or so past the big girls). But I might get up and let her sleep if I can tell I'm needed, or if Bee is sleeping longer than usual, or...
• Breakfast. I always cook something warm. Unless of course someone just threw up or something. You know how it goes.
• Housework time. Unless my mom drops by. Or maybe the sun comes out for the first time in weeks. You know.
• Outside play. Unless it's hailing. Or perhaps we'd rather do some dancing. Or, you know.
• Lunch. I always cook something warm. Unless it's the middle of summer and it's too hot. Or maybe we're all sick. Or, well...

Do you see why it's hard for me to write this for you? I can't even get through one portion of our day without there being some sort of exception to the rule. 

(blankets waiting to warm)

I have a feeling that it's this way for many of you. That you try and try to have a rhythm of sorts, and you write it out and color code it and everything but then the very next day after you write it down you can't Stick To It, as much as you'd Really Like To, because there is always an extenuating circumstance.

Now. I am all for having a strong rhythm, especially for young children, and even more especially for young children who have really had NO regular rhythm at all. Things like regular mealtimes and bedtimes are absolute standards in our home, not to be broken unless the occasion is extremely out of the ordinary. I believe very much that those things are biologically imperative. However. Life is more complex than that. You are more complex than that. Your family, with all of its changing, shifting beauty, is more complex than that, and aren't you glad that's true?

(dressing up)

Where would be the joy, the grace, the miracles, in the routine? Dancing the dance of anticipation, making rhythmic patterns across the floor with light feet is an supreme act of creating. You are creating every moment of every day. For those of you who don't know how to knit, here is your weaving. For those of you who wonder how you could possibly fit in time to be creative, here is your creative work.

(ready to set sail)

I want to talk about those "essentials" I keep referring to. (By the way, I think they are: mealtimes, bedtime, outside time, movement, imaginative play, and caring for your home.) I'll even be talking about what I really mean when I keep saying: warmth, reverence, imitation, repetition.

(washing up)

But I wanted to start here. With the knowledge that we are building rhythm on an ever-shifting plane of sand.

(the big girls' bed)

I wanted you to know that rhythm is still something you can find solace in, even so.

(rest)

The winner! And some thoughts.

The moment we've all been waiting for! The randomly chosen winner of this (really, you should try and get your hands on a copy even if you are not the winner) book is:

Esther!

Esther, I really hope you enjoy this book! Email me (you'll find my email address to the right there) with your mailing address, will you?

Now for another little dose of realism:

Bee is just suddenly popping out two more teeth (for those of you keeping a tally, that's SIX now- it all happens so fast!) and while she honestly is a champ about the teeth, this afternoon was a hard one for her. She was up in arms-- mine-- all afternoon and I let our afternoon pause/rest slip, and by 3 pm all three little ones were in tears. Oh, my poor babes! It was a sad afternoon. Luckily I had a window just after lunch to pop a pot of chili on the stove for supper. Then it was hailing like mad outside and Bee was too sad even to allow something like, oh, me sitting down for five minutes to glance through a board book with the big girls. Things just declined from there.

It really got me thinking about how holistic having a happy family is. The sadness that my big girls had, their inability to engage in anything, their tendency to break into tears at the slightest problem or frustration- it wasn't a disciplinary issue. It was a much bigger issue, with so many more facets. Their rhythm had been disrupted, they were overtired, they had been hearing poor Bee cry without any of us being able to help her (though all of us tried), they had been given a sweet treat for breakfast instead of something nourishing (ahem, mama's banana bread craving)... I could probably go on. We had a wonderful morning, but it broke down at the end of the day. They've been asleep since 6:30, supported by our regular bedtime rhythm, and tomorrow will be another day.

What I want to really emphasize here is that I feel that my job as a mama is taking the big picture view.

What happened this afternoon could easily have been viewed as isolated incidents, and treated with "discipline," or reacted to with anger, but it wouldn't have solved anything (long or short term). Taking the big picture view means acting and reacting with grace, even if it's hard. It means taking a breath and assessing the real situation. It means putting yourself in their teeny shoes. It means waking up tomorrow without continuing to carry any of yesterday, with a smile and joy and a belief that your joy and intention will carry your family to a wonderful day.

Oh, my.

Ask, and you shall receive!

I've been going through your questions that you left as comments on this post in preparation for doing the drawing for this book tomorrow, and WOW! You are just so amazing. I laughed, I was touched- I really wanted to just plop down with you all on the couch in front of the fire here and have a nice long chat. You have given me enough to talk about for far more than just through the end of the month! I love it! I can't wait to answer all of those questions (especially the one about why we don't have any pets- there really is an answer to that one!).

I'm having such a great time with you all-- I feel like opening up to you the way I've done recently has given me so much, and helped me to connect with you in a very real way. Ask, and you shall receive in abundance.

Sometimes just naming it, just putting it out there, is enough. Sometimes all it takes is knowing that you're not the only one. 

So! Tomorrow will be the big drawing, and then on Wednesday I'll be back to keep talking about rhythm, which may also answer some of the questions you've asked. I'll probably sprinkle in some unrelated pictures, because I'm starting to miss seeing all those photos (although I'm still taking them). When I begin answering your questions in earnest, I may even be able to coax my husband into a little guest posting! We've been talking about that possibility, so stay tuned!

I have honestly loved reading through your comments and questions- each one was like a little gift of insight into one of you, and made me reflect about my own life in a different way. Thank you, again, for being here. Thank you!

Quotable Sunday.

A routine is an activity or a sequence of activities that takes place at the same time and in the same order daily or weekly. A ritual may be done routinely or not, but it is made a ritual by the attention and intention the participants give to it. For example, a blessing before eating may be a ritual is the family feels gratitude or reverence during the blessing, but if the blessing is said without thought or attention, it is more of a routine than a ritual.

Susan Usha Dermond, Calm and Compassionate Children: A Handbook